Day 15: A Date With One of my Men

Hey all! Happy Monday!

Today, one of my boyfriends, Hudson, came over. We met through our moms and we clicked instantly. I'm a little older than he is but he's super mature for his age so it works out just fine. This is a little bit of how it went down today:

 Hudson was being such a baby. I was like, "Hey Hudson, it's me Lucia. Remember, your girlfriend?"

 Hudson was like, "Lucia, leave me alone. I'm sleeping. Can't you see?"

 I'm like, "Hudson, but don't you see how big I've gotten? I even rolled up my sleeves so you could catch a glimpse of my sexy forearms."
A little later once he FINALLY woke up...

 Hudson: "Hey Lucia. Thanks for letting me play in your at-home-gym. I can definitely see how your physique has gotten so defined. Also, I think I'm more into your nanny, Ariela. She's more my speed."

 I said, "Shutup Hudson. You need to like me. Ariela is old and used up. I'm young and hip."

 So we tried to reconnect. I played with his ears because he once told me he liked it but I guess things have changed. I was like, "Babe, don't you see how tight my clothes are? I wore them special for you today." And Hudson was like, "Baby cakes, you are crazy. I think a little too wild for me. Why are you making cat noises?" Ughhh he's so frustrating. But I get it. He's playing hard to get. I know that game.

That was freaking exhausting. I'm over it. Hudson, babe, you gotta learn how to let down your hair a little. Hudson was like, "Ok Lucia, whatever, let's just lay here for a minute. I'm exhausted."

What a guy. Anyways rough patches are normal in relationships. I'll call him next Monday and see if he wants to hang again. It's a rule in my dating bible that I wait a week to call back a guy. Keep them hooked, you know?

Love,
Lady Lu

Day 14: Happy Birthday Mama!

I'm so happy today! It's my Mama's birthday! I'm pretty sure that means that I get presents, I get to eat cake, people sing to me and I can finally have a glass of champagne. Pop the crystal homies! 

I'll save my rant for next week but I just want to keep you all posted that Archie, the stupid cat, has entered my life. He needs to know who rules this house and it's me so I might have a nice talk with him this weekend. In the meantime, this is for you Mama:

Isn't my Mama the best?! These are all the reasons I love her:
-She's faster than the speed of lightning
-She loves my Dadda
-She puts me in fabulous clothing- finally someone who knows how to dress me!
-She's very smart to start feeding me avocados now. Ariela is happy that my poops are stinkier
-She takes me on runs and lets me enjoy the outdoors so that she can show me off to people and they can see how beautiful I am
-She's friends with Ariela. I know I give her a hard time, but I really do love her. Who else would I be able to bully on a daily basis... Well, I guess now I can bully Archie.

Anyways, give my Mama a little pinch in her cute butt today if you see her and call her a "stud muffin."

Mama, Happy Birthday! I'm saving a smelly diaper for you when you get home. Ariela told me that would be the best present.

Smooches,
Lu

Day 13: I hate learning

I hate learning. I don't get this stupid toy. If it's not for me to eat, then what is it for? I'm going to get wrinkles from all the stress I am in. 

This is what happens when I try to put the pacifier in my mouth. 

Maybe tomorrow Ariela will actually do something cool with me or else I'll be teaching her a few lessons.
That's a promise :)

Love,
Lu

Day 12: Chef Lu

Hey guys!
Today I taught Ariela how to cook. These are my secrets:

Step 1: Get a nice wooden spatula for stirring AND

For rowing away on my Bumbo

Step 2: You need an assistant in the kitchen. I have Sophie, the giraffe. 

Step 3: Mushrooms go great with any dish. If your lucky enough, you can get one that doesn't go bad. I got lucky, mine is crochet. 

Step 4: A little dash of salt and pepper can go a long way BUT

 If you're trying to watch your sodium, then Liquid Aminos is your guy. They come in spray bottles so you don't overdo it. 

There you go! The 4 secrets to nutrition!

Love,

Chef Lu

Day 11: Drama

Do you guys know I'm an actress? I'm not even really a baby. Just a divine queen diva actress in a baby's body. Banana says I act like one of those celebrities about to have a nervous breakdown. I think it's because I keep pulling up my shirt to show everyone my goodies. That's what they are there for right? I don't see anything wrong with it. How else am I supposed to extend my 15 minutes?

For your viewing pleasure.

I also demand that when my diaper be put on, I want it high so you can see as much of my thighs as possible. We 

I have more demands but that's enough for now. I need my beauty sleep. Make sure my milk is ready when I'm awake Ariela! You know what happened last time you failed. Strike 2. 

-Love

Lu

Day 10: I am Baptized

Hey guys! It's me Lu! I'm baptized now. Which I think means I am an adult, so treat me accordingly.
I got to take a bath in front of a full church. I also got to wear a really long dress that made me look like a ghost but luckily for everyone involved I farted really loud in church which resulted in a dirty diaper. Thankfully the bath came afterwards. Ariela was my stand in godmother. I think she was really excited. I kept trying to tell everyone that she's Jewish but no one paid attention. Whatever. Then I got some really nice smelling patchouli oil massaged onto my 3rd eye. It still lingers.

During mass Ariela was telling me about all the shenanigans she got into the night before. Thank Jesus she came to church. She needed to let those sins go.
Later, we all went to lunch at the Crow's Nest. I got a bloody mary to celebrate. Ariela also gave me her other earring to wear. She said they are friendship earrings. I wear one and she wears one. Mom loves it when girls only wear one earring. Especially feathers. It's such a statement.

I love hanging with the girls! I get to teach them life lessons especially about boys.
After all that fun, I went home and got to shroom while playing with my new rosary naked.

Today Nana Banana came by for her long day with me. She's so difficult to nanny sometimes. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know I'l be getting a fat check at the end of the month. Geesh, she's a handful. So needy. 

 

Yes, that's slobber on my face. When I caught a glimpse of myself through one of the many mirrors I have strategically placed in my home, I couldn't contain myself because I looked so good.

We got to do "nakey time" together. My abs needed a breather. Look at my feet. They are ready to be placed in some really expensive running shoes. By this time next year, I plan to run a half marathon. Start slow is what I tell people.
Anyways, Happy Monday ya'll. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!
Love,
Lu Bug

Day 9: Nanny lovin

A few moments from today. 

Bye!
Banana and Lu Bug

Day 8: Bloopers

Hey guys,

It's me Ariela. The queen diva herself is napping so she can't blog right now. Sorry I didn't post yesterday but today you'll get a double dose. We'll start with the bloopers we had while conducting our interview yesterday.

I can't work like this... We have rescheduled our interview for next week. In the meantime, enjoy this gem and check back later for post numero dos.
-Tia Ariela/Nana Banana

Day 7: Diva Lessons

Today Nana Banana came over. She looked like she had a rough one. All this talk about staying up late and getting into shenanigans. I'm all like, "Girl, I feel you." 

Unfortunately this chic is a strug-fest so I had to let her in on the secrets of being a diva. 

Lesson 1 in being a Diva: Spice it up with booty shorts. If the chonies are showing, more points for you.

I'm so glad I got to wear these today. I've been working on my physique for months now getting ready for the summer bikini season and I am so content with the results. 

Later, we did some yoga and listened to meditative music. Damn that stuff is niiiice. I feel so grounded and enlightened after that yoga sesh. Om Namah Shivaya.  

So here's the deal homies. Soon, Banana is going to have an exclusive online interview with me. Think Barbara Walters interviewing Madonna. All the scandals and secret romances that you've heard about me will all be aired. Here's where you come in. If you have any questions you want answered, write them here and Banana will ask me during the interview session. 

Namaste,

Lu Buns

Day 6: Nom Nom

Holaaaaa

I had such a great day today! Tia Ariela let me stay in my jammies until noon. This is why I love her. I took some really nice naps too but when I woke up at 10:30 and Banana didn't have my milk ready, I couldn't contain my hunger so I gnawed down on her hand. It was pretty tasty.

She asked me why I was so noisy when I ate and I said, "Woa. Back off with that attitude, lady." And she did.
Then, I finally got dressed. I decided to wear my "I love Daddy" shirt because I love my daddy.
I did some light reading before going on a walk.

I hung out in the Ergo carrier. When we got to the park, Ariela wanted to put me down and let me enjoy the scenery. I, on the other hand, was not interested.

I literally didn't move from the position I was in when I was strapped onto my Tia to when I was placed on the grass. Thankfully, she got a clue and strapped me back in. I took a sweet nap on the walk back and was greeted by my Mama at home....

Oh what a wonderful day!

Full of love and giggles, (oh and a lot of gas too!)
Lu Bug

Day 5: Here Me Flow

Sup Homies!

Nana Banana aka Tia Ariela is back. Today we listened to Naughty by Nature's, "Feel Me Flow." Damn those lyrics are deep. "Bust the move and then swerve. Swerve words with nerve embedded I said it word... So here we go now, Holler if you hear me though, come feel me flow." It's like they came right from my mouth.

Anyways, Mami left strict instructions that if we are to go outside, I must wear a hat so we obvies had a little hat party. First, Nana Banana let me try on her hat. I liked it:

 Do you see my muscles here. Banana tells me that I'm lucky enough to be born with fat that looks like muscle because I won't have to work hard on it later and you know what, I'd have to agree.

I felt cool. I felt like I had long lustrous hair that was tucked inside this smelly beanie. Like I was meant to be in a hole in the wall coffee shop that sells overly priced coffee and reading books like, "This is Not a Novel" with my boyfriend who has tighter jeans that I ever owned. Yes, even tighter then my corduroy pants. 

Alas, I knew I had to at least try on the hat Mama got me.

I don't like this hat. Makes me look like a baby! I wanna buy overpriced coffee!!! 

Anyways, we didn't even end up going on a walk because I was grumpy. All that beanie wearing made me feel angsty and moody. I didn't want to be in the stupid outside with the stupid sunshine and those stupid birds chirping.   

I'm over this. Imma bout to nap, son. And I better have a double shot cappuccino when I wake up, ya heard. 

Love,

Lu

Day 4: The Hangover

Hola Mami y Papi,

Today Nana Banana took me on a walk. She looked like that a-hole from the hangover. Mom, you were SO right! Her turnover is ridiculously slow. I fell asleep because I was so bored but her bosom is very comfortable. I motor boated a few times. 

We are now waiting for Rick the plumber. Ariela put some makeup on me. She said that we always have to look presentable when we are expecting a gentlemen's arrival. 

Oh also, I tricked Ariela. She thought I was going in to give her a hug but instead I spit up all over her! hahahah She's so stupid. 

See you later!

Love

Lu Bug

Welcome to My Crazy World

Welcome to my crazy world! Lucky for you, I get to let you in on all the joys of nannying. But first, let me explain to you how I got here.

Born in July of 1985 in Miami Beach, FL to a wonderful family... Just kidding! I'll spare you all the exciting details of my upbringing.

Here's all you have to know: I am a single girl living in Santa Cruz trying to live out my dream. I am an Interior Designer, Feng Shui Practitioner, Yoga Teacher, blogger, artist, crafter, trying to figure out when I am going to stop adding more things to my lister AND a nanny! Wow, I almost had a nervous breakdown writing that last sentence.

I met my dear friend Mary in 2009 through yoga (we live in Santa Cruz after all). She was a single grad student and I was new to the area. Oh, the fun times we had. Things are a tad different these days. Mary is now a teacher, home owner, wife, step-mom and mother and I still say, "I'm new to the area." She's got the most beautiful baby with Andy. This baby's name is Lucia. She's 4 months old and she's a diva.
About a week ago (April 9, 2012), I started nannying Lucia and it's been quite the adventure. 4 days into nannying and I look like a disheveled mom of 8. My pants are higher then my belly button, my hair is frizzier then it should ever be, I've got spit up all over my clothes and my voice has been taken over by an annoying high pitched teenage boy. In trying to keep Andy and Mary in the loop, I started sending them daily e-mails as if Lucia were writing them. Since they were a hit, I decided I should let the world in on our daily adventures.

"She's Not Mine" will mostly be written through Lucia's perspective. I will occasionally kvetch from time to time but I won't try and steal her thunder and there will DEFINITELY be vulgar language. Lucia has a potty mouth. There is nothing I can do about that.

Pray for me
-Ariela